Why Downward Dating Is HarmfulOn by
Christian dating should be seen as the first few steps on the road to Christian marriage. Indeed this is how most Christians do see dating. Of course, this doesn’t mean planning the wedding from the first date but it does mean dating with the idea of Christian marriage in mind. Which is simply a scary way of saying that when you date as a Christian you go on that date open to the idea that this person could be the one with whom you fall in love and marry. This is essentially what Christian dating is, it is dating with marriage in mind. If you go out on a date with someone without being open to the possibility of falling in love then you are certainly on a date but for sure not a Christian date! This leads us on to the biggest Christian dating mistake.
Christian dating mistake #1 Not dating with romance in mind
The biggest dating mistake made by many Christians is that they are not going on Christian dates at all. This doesn’t mean that you are not going to Christian places or doing Christian activities, or even that you’re not dating other Christians. It means that you are making the mistake of thinking that simply being a Christian and having a date equals Christian dating. This is not so. The date itself must be within the framework of Christian ethical standards – how Christians treat other people. Your date should not be with you simply because they are nice to look at, or nice to be seen with. Nor should your date be simply company on an otherwise lonely night.
Many Christians make the mistake of asking someone out on a romantic date when all they really want is someone to go out with as a friend. This leads to obvious complications when you have one person viewing the other as a potential friend, whilst being viewed by them as a potential husband or wife. Christians make this mistake all the time due to the lack of sexual pressure in Christian dating. Knowing that sex is out of the question and with strict personal rules on kissing and other acts of intimacy, it is easy to find yourself in ‘friend mode’ rather than viewing your date as a potential spouse. Now of course a husband and wife are friends, I am in no way suggesting otherwise, but theirs is a special kind of friendship built on a foundation of romantic love.
Dating with marriage in mind means thinking of your date, right from the first date, as someone with whom you could build a romantic, loving friendship with that results in marriage. It doesn’t mean working out the names of your future children five minutes into the first date! Christian dates should be romantic and marriage-minded from the outset.
What is the difference between Christian dating and non-Christian dating? To most people the answer lies in what you do on that date. It’s an easy one to answer. Christians are not going to have sex on the date and may even choose not to kiss. Now ask yourself the difference between Christian dating and two people going out as friends, for a meal or to catch a show? The answer lies in how the couple view each other. The friends, see each other as friends and treat each other accordingly. The dating couple should be viewing each other as dates, not simply as friends. Imagine two friends, a man and a women, going out for a meal to catch up on old times but during the meal the man starts seeing his friend as a date. Unless she starts seeing him as a date the evening is going to end up in upset. Now imagine, a Christian couple on a date but while she sees her date as a date, he sees her as a friend – this evening too will end in upset.
To avoid the biggest dating mistake made by Christians, simply make sure you are going on a Christian date. Not a night out with a friend but a date. When you consider asking someone out on a date, ask yourself first if you could see yourself in a romantic relationship with this person. Don’t be one of those Christians who find someone they like as a friend and ask them out on a date (knowing there will be no sexual pressure) with the idea that at ‘some’ time in the future things ‘may’ get romantic. Christians know that romance doesn’t mean sex but dating should mean romance – right from the first date.